May 8, 2013 by aoifebrennan
To misquote the famous English cook, Mrs Beaton, First take your celebrity sportsman. Only I think she may have said to grasp a hare or some other wriggling herbivore. Or perhaps they were dead when Mrs Beaton got her hands on them so they didn’t wriggle out of reach. She was the first English cook who baked with enough butter to clog a true, living sportsman’s veins. I am also not sure that she might approve of my kind of hunting; man as opposed to game. Although it is a moot point in today’s society.
So, in order to become a WAG one needs to find a celebrity sportsman. Now, where can these be found? In my youth I might hung out on sports grounds. Become a jersey girl as they are so charmingly called. But as a cougar I didn’t think that option was really my cup of tea. So instead I called a friend who is in the ‘know’ about young available celebrity sportsmen and she suggested I consider GAA men, a much overlooked possibility. And do you know, she was dead right. There are so many attractive GAA man out there I was spoilt for choice. I narrowed it down to football and then to the county – but I can’t tell you that or I shall give the game away. Suffice to say my hot date last weekend was with a young legendary county footballer. Tall, handsome and very good with his hands – what more could a girl want.
As we were somewhat geographically challenged ( I was not meeting a Dub, spoiler alert) we agreed on a hotel in neutral territory. He came straight from a match, I from a family dinner. We parked up and met in the bar where a bustling bridge convention was attracting all kinds of grey haired people in quite boisterous form. We met, chatted and discovered our mutual interests – or rather each other’s interests that run parallel to our own and never the twain shall meet. And so we decided to try sex instead.
What can I say about sex with a top footballer? For one it is very good. For second, it is very athletic. For third, It is very flexible. And afterwards I needed a masseuse to work my tired limbs and muscles. Footballers are also team players and boy does that make for some great sex. As a captain he understands the need to make sure his players are involved in the game. I was so involved I was upside down, right side up, off side, inside left, and shake it all about. No wonder I needed a massage afterwards.
He was also chatty and funny and a good listener.
So do I want to be a WAG? I actually don’t think so because then I would have to go shopping, wear inches of makeup at football matches, GO to football matches and then do some more shopping.
That doesn’t really appeal to me at all. Would I sleep with a footballer again? A resounding yes! I came for dessert and I wasn’t disappointed!
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