August 26, 2013 by aoifebrennan
A gay man can recognise on an aesthetic level the beauty for a woman but this is my very personal experience of meeting a fascinating and exceptionally beautiful woman. It was Aoife’s physical and personal beauty which moved me to my core. So writes my friend Peter…
“After a wonderful dinner, Aoife sat into the car. Walking beside her earlier, Peter had realised how tall she was. She was wearing a beautiful cerise dress, in a knitted fabric, the cloth hugging and moulded to her slim and curvy body. With perfect elegance, Aoife sat into the car, demurely and gracefully. It was only then that Peter noticed Aoife’s very long and perfectly shaped legs. Whether it was due to the confined space in the passenger seat or otherwise, Aoife’s legs seemed elevated and incapable of being ignored by Peter, a confirmed and Kinsey6 gay man. He laughed internally to himself. Was this some long suppressed vestigial straightness asserting itself? He dismissed the notion.
As Peter drove Aoife home through the dark country roads, undulating and winding, they resumed an easy and animated conversation. It impressed Peter that Aoife knew so much about social, economic and political issues. She was not just well informed. She was warm, humane, insightful and compassionate. Her conversation ranged effortlessly over so many issues. Peter found himself pleasantly surprised to be hearing original and new insights into the issues of the day, intelligent analysis of the ravages done to Irish society because of the sins of the past and the failure to respond sensibly to the problems. Peter was enraptured by Aoife’s bright and passionate conversation. Inside the car, in the ink cloaking blackness of the countryside, there was a confessional booth quality to the surroundings, only the merest whispering drone of the engine in the background.
Peter realised that dinner with the fabulous Aoife was the most enjoyable experience he had had in many years but, as he drove on, directed occasionally by Aoife, he did not want the easy and cosy warmth of conversation and of the new found friendship with this delightful woman to end. He was conscious that he was savouring the experience.
Aoife occasionally languorously stretched out in her seat, her unending legs, parallel and slanted to one side, appearing unending. Her legs were so shapely and so feminine. Peter, to his surprise, recognised Aoife’s sensuous quality, herself unaware sexuality, her disturbing magnetism, her obvious allure not just based on her exceptional beauty but based on her charisma, intelligence and her vitality. Suddenly, he had an epiphany. Eureka or bingo! So this is what straight men see in beautiful and highly attractive women. He was stunned into silence. He had a moment of reverie. Here he was, a portly 58 year old gay man, entirely disinterested in women on a sexual level, suddenly and unexpectedly understanding the feminine allure. Something his imagination could not give him, he was now seeing for the first time. It was a pleasantly disconcerting and even a little exciting. He could feel an erotic frisson, not directed to or at Aoife, he was not suddenly discovering a bisexual urge, merely that he could now understand and fully appreciate the sexual beauty of this deliciously feminine being beside him. He was in virgin territory.
At the next turn of conversation, Peter took his eye off the road for a momentary look at Aoife. Her beauty was undeniable. He had seen straight men looking lustfully at her although Aoife seemed oblivious to or at least wilfully ignoring of their glances. Aoife’s long elegant and dressy knitted cardigan was open. He could see her tall body, perfectly proportioned. Aoife was showing generous cleavage under her cerise dress. There was a glimpse of a black bra under the cleavage. As the thoughts formed in his own mind, Peter chuckled to himself that his thoughts were like a badly written and hackneyed bodice ripper. But it was true and his thoughts were true; if unoriginal in expression. He was snatching glimpses of two beautifully rounded, shapely, full and silky soft breasts showing close together in the area of cleavage. Magnificent, he thought. He had experience of pre-op transsexuals with highly artificial silicone breasts but these full breasts were perfectly natural and far more beautiful.
Peter liked and appreciated that Aoife looked so erotically sensuous and attractive. She was the total opposite of a drag queen. Aoife was a natural beauty. The entire effect conveyed by Aoife seemed natural, unaffected, unforced but just the display of Aoife’s own passionate, warm and positive outlook. He knew enough from the conversation to know that Aoife had an instinctive sense of generosity to others. He knew that her effortlessly beautiful outfit was the dress of a vibrant, sexual and confident woman who was unafraid of attitudes. Aoife did not think to hide her beauty and her wonderful attributes from others. Peter felt a sense of joy and comfort that this beautiful and talented woman had not sought to hide from him as a gay man or to ignore her own beauty when deciding to accept his invitation for dinner. Aoife was being herself, dressed with a sense of subtle and delicious eroticism. Aoife had decided not to dress as if Peter could not recognise her beauty. That felt so good.
A moment of bitter sweetness descended on Peter. For the very first time in his life he felt a mild sense of regret or loss. Aoife belonged to a world closed to Peter. He could never and he never would experience the joy and passion of being sexually intimate with a lovely woman. It would never be. For some unaccountable, unfathomable and utterly irrational reason, frustratingly so, because Peter was contently homosexual, he felt a sense of loss of something he never had enjoyed and never had the inclination to enjoy.
Peter relaxed. He gave in to his desire. He looked with increasing frequency at Aoife. Her conversation was direct and engaging but her body seemed oblivious to Peter. It was as if Aoife’s body was in private, as if she was asleep, entirely oblivious to Peter and the rest of the world. There was a suppressed and subtle eroticism in the rise and fall of her breath. Her impossible long and exquisite legs seemed to rub or caress each other, the shape of the legs as perfect alone as in combined together, her upper thighs tanned, taut, sinuous, femine and strong, her beautiful face looking out into the darkness of the exterior darkness, her eyes bright, open and animated. It was at this moment, and without Aoife having any sense of Peter’s thoughts,that Peter knew perfectly and fully for the first time in his life how a man could truly love a woman.
In the days ahead, Peter came to understand a reality. His time with Aoife, entirely chaste in action, but passionate in thoughts and discussion, was different to, but more exquisite, than the best sex that he ever had. He would never forget that dinner that night with Aoife or the deliciously piquant, poignant and delicious journey to leave Aoife home, that entirely one sided feeling he had of loss for what he never had. But he also had that sense of privilege for the fact that he had enjoyed such a strong sense of awareness of the joy and aching beauty of the lovely woman he had spent time with. For Aoife, there was nothing to her actions and behaviour all night but the generosity of selfless friendship. Would Peter ever be honest enough to tell Aoife his feeling about that wonderful night? He thought that perhaps he would because she had an accepting and non-judgmental outlook.
As Peter was leaving Aoife home, Aoife enveloped him in a warm and affectionate hug. It was a lovely gesture of a natural and uncomplicated friendship. Peter knew how incredibly fortunate he was to know the extraordinary and wonderful Aoife. It seemed impossible to him, utterly and bizarrely impossible, that such a goddess of a woman was not in a wonderful life relationship with a man who truly deserved her.
Peter laughed wryly to himself. Perhaps all men are ultimately homosexual because he knew for absolute certain, that if he was straight, he would adore this woman and that he wish to be with her forever.
Peter left, found the first available man and fucked his feelings away.”
Watch a televised interview with Aoife here
Book Two out very soon …