January 13, 2014 by aoifebrennan
I looked at Chris and said nothing. I was thinking. I was not a prude, at all. Life had taught me that the world was wide and full of new things. I had not converted from middle aged frumpy mum to total YOLO, but I was moving along that path, as best I could, allowing for all sorts of restraints holding me back, including finance, responsibilities and the general hum drum of life. The minutiae of living that kept people focused on silly things that demanded attention, paying the TV licence, taxing the car, making sure there was milk in the fridge – always a challenge given the boys’ capacity to down gallons of the stuff. But swinging: now there was a thing. Last year I’d had my first threesome, with two men which was an eye opener but also a lot of fun. I was beginning to see sex less as a weapon to beat the people with, a guilty dirty secret to ensure the plebs stayed in their place, and more as a recreational activity between consenting adults. How I had reached this particular understanding I wasn’t sure. Perhaps it was age, new freedoms and maybe, yes, a large dollop of YOLO. I only knew that life had almost passed me by. I had almost gone into that dark night without raging against the dying of the light. New freedoms were hard won and hard maintained. The pain of tearing up the old was balanced by the small intense moments of joy, with equal parts of fear and courage. To fight for my freedom and then to settle for old chains would have been impossibly sad. I looked Chris in the eye and said:
‘Not yet.’ Then in a leap of faith, I latched onto the other part of his statement. ‘When you said with a partner?’ and the word hung in the air between us like a wobbly balloon. I wondered who would burst it first. I was determined not to say anything else. I watched him back. Chris smiled.
‘Well, you’re here now Aoife Brennan and I am enjoying our time together. I’d like to think this will continue after the weekend. I’m certainly committed.’
Another seminal word hung in the air. This lunch was touching all bases as far as I was concerned. I sat back in my chair and grinned.